Making my Mind Up?

Right up to Saturday night I was finding excuses for skipping Sunday's women's event - missing the daughter, getting there, lack of time. All perfectly valid reasons but I couldn't fool myself, I was scared stiff of going alone. Still there was a certain inevitability when I set the alarm on Sat night, printed out the directions "just in case" and fell asleep thinking outfits. Not a suit, not too frivolous, not too warm (it is summer) but not too much flesh either. So Sunday morning clad in a brightish dress with a demure cardigan and wedge sandals I climbed into the car, feeling a little interviewish, muttering to myself the whole way that I was an idiot and why wasn't I staying home (except when I passed the Dog's Trust when all I could whimper was "puppies").
My original plan was to hide behind a potted plant with a glass of wine but a. it was 10am, b. I was driving and c. there was a distinct lack of potted plants. I got a coffee and stood nonchalantly to the side "Yes, look at you all laughing and chattering and at home but I choose to stand alone" when hurrah, another lone soul with whom I could make polite conversation and very nice she was too and we were in the same group. Problem solved. And it was a great day thank you so much Labour WOmen! A brilliant talk and q&a from Yvette Cooper (why aren't you standing Yvette?) and new MP Rachel Reeves who were both funny and inspiring; an opportunity to get to know other attendees who were all friendly, interestIng and so diverse - long standing members, brand new like me, all ages and backgrounds and all ready to do whatever they need to to make a difference; lunch (teetotal natch but still very nice) and then the q&a with the leaders. And? Oh God I don't know, how do I choose?
First off Andy Burnham (or as D texted the one you won't recognise). Except I did recognise him. Vaguely. I liked him! We'll take intelligent, articulate and committed as a given as they all were and I can't keep repeating it, but he was warm too, had really long eyelashes (not a prerequisite but nice to see) and answered the questions really well. He said I asked a good question and I felt all glowey (it was of course about Free Schools). Is he a leader? Seriously, I don't know. I would vote for him to be an MP no doubt but a leader? I was undecided when Next!
Diane. Oh Diane I wanted to like you. And I didn't dislike you but you left me cold and I am not sure why. I didn't get the impression you wanted to be there although you were polite and gave some good answers but a definite no. Next!
Ed B. I liked him! Funny but not too much so, showed signs of wanting to sit down and have really long free school chat when he was ushered away. I liked him! He could be a good leader for sure BUT there is the tarnish. I hate that it is there but it is. he is so closely linked to Brown and is trying to deny it so I feel a little the cock crowed three times about him. Yet... Next!
David, see previous post, nothing has changed, still like him, still not quite sure. Next!
Ed M. There is a cult growing about Ed M. Did I join? No, not yet. Will I? I DON'T KNOW! We are so lucky to have four (yep, Andy I am including you) four such brilliant candidates I dn't know where or how to vote. For whoever will win a General Election but who?

Feeling hot, hot, hot

My tiny dot of red become was quiverful of excitement when one of the Big Five (to those who frequent members.net on the labour website, I challenge anyone else to name all 5 with the national media ignoring the leadership election)finally rode into town to woo us. And he was only 25 mins late. Me and many other party faithful crowded into a stultifyingly hot room (standing room only proudly tweeted the candidate) to witness a massive love in between our local MP and Milliband D. "He is so intellectual, honest and handsome" warbled our MP with tears in his eyes as he gazed up (MD is very tall)at the candidate. "I learned everything I know about politics from this man" riposted MD with an equally loving gaze. Beautiful.
And? Well, he is confident, a really good speaker, charismatic, clever. He is painting himself as the whiter than white cabinet member who turned down great opportunities in Europe in order to lead the faithful back into power. Do I believe he is as clean as he says? No but definitely less tarred than Balls. And he is good, will definitely run rings around Call-Me-Dave during PMQs and the international community loves him. He will make a good leader, who knows might even win a election. Not sure if he gets my vote though... he is handsome as one besotted member of the audience publicly pointed out. Let me make this clear this is politician handsome not boyband handsome, two completely different scales. So what did 6 year old make of the whole procedure? "Many of the questions made no sense" she opined. Truly it is out of the mouth of babes. How he managed to answer some of the long, rambling monologues that passed for questions from some audience members I do not know. No wonder they are taking August off if this is how they spend their days.

All candidates will be present and correct at Women Only event on Sun and I want to compare contrast and shake off bedazzlement at the perfect style and smile of Milliband D. But, apart from my natural fear of all such events, do I have the time? Its just one day. But I am volunteering tomorrow afternoon and 6 year old is being whisked away for half the week as my favourite annual event Finding Affordable Summer Childcare begins. Do I want to lose half my weekend with her too? MD understands - he hates the 24/7 campaigning he said with real believable conviction, because he misses his kids. I want to be engaged with this, I am engaged with this but 3 days without 6 year old is a day too many (2 days on the other hand is a relaxing break).

Meanwhile the 36 medium sized campers were returned, just a little scratched and bruised from 3 days of running riot in the woods, back to the loving bosom of their families leaving me needing 5 days of recovery time. Unfortunately the five days included overtired 6 year old also needing recovery time (expressed as tantrums), extra work commitments and executive meetings. The executive meeting took place in a local Church Hall where we camping survivors stared blankly into space with lost exhausted eyes, half the room also facing the bleak prospect of the annual school summer fayre. Next door was a meeting of a different stamp as another committee took shape, the steering committee for the much needed area Free School. Suddenly battle lines seem to be drawn in the community and interestingly, those who already do, those who spend their free time volunteering, organising, fundraising and keeping the community ticking over, they are the ones who are opposed. They stared as their neighbours and fellow parents slipped, half shamefaced, into the room next door commenting only "I should've known she was for it". The local councillor is confident they have no chance but the damage is already being done as those of it who are anti gather in corners to vent our frustration and anger trying not to make it personal because we live near, drink with and know these people. We don't want our friendships ruined but it is so emotive when our children are involved.

Call me

Tomorrow I take 36 medium sized children camping for the whole weekend as I am quite clearly insane. The beauty of it is that I will have no time to worry about the state of the nation, budgets (national and personal) or to join in David's conference call. My heart did leap slightly when I received the message with "Call Me" on (although I firmly pledged to one of the two Eds, I just need to decide which...) only to plummet when I realised I was just part of a cynical exploitation of communication media. Plus how hideous! Conference calls are mortifying enough when you HAVE to do them let alone join up with god knows how many (strange) people all politely trying not to interrupt , cough or snore whilst trying to sound intelligent. Besides I will be meeting David twice in the next two weeks both at the women's event (aaaggghh) and also when he visits my small dot of red. The local MP has kindly and bravely said I can bring small child along and sheis VERY excited. "Ask him what he can do for you" I have primed her but truth be told she would sell her vote for sweets.

Meanwhile the madness continues as I sent D along to the Free School meeting ensuring he missed the first half of Spain-Germany. Verdict? Never going to happen, he predicts calmly. They have no site, management team, formal proposal, proper grasp of the finances or real need - and they want to open in 2 years. All well and good BUT apparently as school rebuilding is stopped and education budgets are slashed the money for this particularly nasty Tory experiment with back door education privatisation is ringfenced. Priorities Call-me-Dave and Gideon, priorities. It will come as little surprise to anyone with half a brain that half the interested parties are consultancies... Still a small ray of sunshine comes in the form of Michael Gove having to grovel apologies in sackcloth and ashes. We need some stocks, I'll rot tomatoes especially...

Keeping up with Ed et al

Twitter is a nightmare. I forget about it due to my phone's sensible rejection of the media then am bombarded with tweets when I remember to log in. As a result 3 of my 5 followers have deserted me. I don't miss the news organisation I deserted first or the insurance saleswoman but Labour_news? The shame and humiliation although as I haven't actually tweeted anything for a week I guess its fair enough.
A working weekend (last) followed by a volunteering weekend (next) with work and chauffeur duties (aka motherhood) inbetween has left me feeling very behind with the campaign. I have had to reluctantly decline my first invitation to a buffet and quiz night due to the weekend away but along with the terrifying prospect of the Women's-Only event is the dizzying heights of an afternoon with Miliband D. Well a 3.30 meeting (me and many others, its not a one to one wooing session mores the pity still at least ONE candidate is willing to visit our spot of red thanks apparently to our MP -guess who he voted for?). 3.30pm on a Thurs is perhaps not the handiest time for a worker or mother but obviously M.D is a v busy man. My request to bring a 6 year old with me to the meeting has yet to be replied to...
Nationally communication has slowed down. Diane hasn't emailed for 2 weeks, her last was about the budget with her three ways to sort out the budget which seems nice and simple, thanks Diane. She twitters a little but not to the same extent as Balls and MD who are quite the users of modern technology. Andy however hasn't tweeted at all - did I remember to follow him? On a lighter note I haven't had much from ME but he has emailed me personally asking me to allow him to text me. I've been keeping away from the texts but with balls and ME actively wanting my number its getting tempting, I am going to have to choose between them at some point.
Finally I am trying touse the old modern technology and watch newsnight and question time but I have a JOB and a CHILD and a husband who has to watch football 24/7 and I am TIRED by 10pm. Why are these shows on so darn late?

Big Society

Its been a manic few days and I suddenly find myself so tired I can't summon up enough energy for the righteous anger that has carried me through the last few weeks. When Call-me-Dave's big society was first mooted to hoots of derision from anyone with a brain some self confessed Tory used the Guardian's CIF pages to boast that only the right volunteer and cited two teachers neighbours who "got home at four and watched their big TV all evening" as an example. Apparently spending all day attempting to educate the youth wasn't enough for Mr self confessed Tory, they also needed to spend their evenings making up food parcels to feed the jobless so we can save money on cancelling all welfare, or whatever Call-me-Dave's latest compassionate Conservative Crazy idea is.
So that's the Big Society! We feed our less fortunate neighbours on our left overs whilst using up the slashed school budget on Free Schools to make sure our children are kept away from the malnourished kids slurping down our out of date organic yogurt. Mind you who am I kidding? I can barely sleep for worrying that soon I'll be meekly standing in line to bob a curtsey in thanks as I am given my food parcel. We barely make ends meet yet thanks to Gideon we face the loss of £50 a month, there's a leak in the roof we can't afford to fix and my husband has no stability in his job at all.
I spend my life yelling at the TV or the computer "But they have no mandate!" Then I go to my third sector job (cuts in grants, cuts in donors'incomes), raise my daughter, volunteer at a local community project, fundraise for charity and worry that I don't do enough and wonder just where the time has gone. That enough for you Mr self confessed Tory or shall I start putting a few spare tins aside now?